Let me hit you with that newborn sleep talk. Forget what the child is dealing with. They’re on some random stuff and don’t settle into a routine for ages; let’s discuss how myself and the Mrs dealt with the matter for rounds one and two of having a new person in our world.
For Context
Pre-baby, I was on good terms with sleep. I was a solid 7-hour-a-night don, and I’d always embrace weekend naps. Bed was between 10:30pm and 11:30pm (with no rules on Fridays and Saturdays, because I could be doing anything). As I had plenty going on in my life, I pretty much decided I would commit to a 5.30am rise on week days, giving myself a good couple of hours to work on my own things before I’d have to think about getting myself to my actual job.
Hollie had as much going on in her life, but would much prefer a late night than an early morning. There wasn’t a chance I’d see her before a good couple of rounds of the snooze button.
The First One
I can’t recall how sleep changed in the lead-up to the first baby, but just know that Hollie wasn’t having a great time. Once the baby was very much here and our lives were well and truly altered, we figured that we’d have to get into some sort of arrangement that allowed us to both get some sleep, but it’s wild how little you actually get in those first months.
In the 3-hour feed cycle phase, it was decided there would be a top and bottom shift (based on a clock). Hollie would do the top one (between 1am and 3am). I’d do the bottom one (4am to 6am), because I liked getting up early and I had to go to work after.
To non-parents, it may seem easy enough, but ‘a feed’ isn’t a 5-minute job. Getting awoken at those sort of hours is hard enough. Prepping milk, feeding (and staying awake), burping and changing may take an hour and a half. Even then, it doesn’t guarantee the child wants to sleep after – and you can’t just leave them. There might be tears. There might be trapped wind. Nothing is smooth at first.
As the months go on, it gets much easier, but it was a struggle to stay at work for the first three/four months with all of that madness at night. I fell asleep in so many meetings (thankfully undetected) and would have whole afternoons where I’d force people to talk to me to keep me awake. Having a newborn and a full-time job means you and you partner have to fully be on the same page with this stuff, because it’s impossible to do all of the feeds alone. (Big ups to single parents one time). Sleep was precious back then.
While I was struggling at work, Hollie had her own sleep issues at home. “Sleep when the baby does” is dead advice. Sleep or eat. Sleep or work. Sleep or wash the clothes. There’s an endless list of things that need doing, and it’s real effort when you’re on your own, and you’ve not rested properly in months (even before the baby landed).
Once the night feeding was dropped, things improved, but those young’ns are unpredictable in the early days. You’d have smooth nights, others where we’d need to run to the rescue over non-emergency crying, emergency crying and suspicious activity we saw on the monitor. It’s all fun and games.
We finally mastered sleep with the eldest by about 15 months. That’s when he was finally happy jamming in his own room until we came to collect him. It’s meant that since then, he’s always getting up at a time that suits us. Unfortunate for our sleep aspirations, it was only a few months before he had a sibling.
The Second One
We’re still in the thick of it with this one, but the conditions are completely different. Working for myself from home means I don’t mind as much if I’m kept up thanks to the little one’s trapped wind. If he’s struggling, I just know I need to make sure I’ve got my phone on me and I can crack on with some kind of work while burping him with the other hand.
Marlo was born during that wild summer heatwave and it meant that his first couple of weeks in the world were filled with 30+ C temperatures (sometimes at night too). The heat was unbearable to the point we’d discourage anyone from having summer babies going forward.
The fact that we have two means that we have to get up by a particular time, because the eldest needs feeding. Sleep is still precious this time around, but I don’t care as much if it doesn’t come at night. This child gets conked out in the day, and it gives us a chance to nap if we’re desperate. There have definitely been nights where we’ve each only managed to get about three hours of sleep, but it’s crazy how little it matters when you know you only have to answer to yourself in the morning. With us both working from home, we can tag-team it and swap who was looking after Cameo and running the house at any point in the day.
We’re looking forward to the adventure in the next few months, because Marlo’s behaving in a completely different way to how Cameo did with his night feeds. We just don’t know how things will pan out and whether we’ll get to the idyllic night times we’re aiming for. At the moment, it’s still crazy, and we know it’s going to continue for some time. We’re waking up in a daze checking the bed sheets if we’ve lost the baby in them. I’m still dozing off midway through playtime on the living room floor. But it’s all part of the fun of it.
Sleep Goals
Knowing we’ve cracked it with the eldest, we’re now looking forward to the days when we can have a full, unbroken night’s sleep again. We know it’s over a year away, but we also know how quickly time goes by with these small ones. We know what we signed up for, but it’s hard to appreciate what constant sleep deprivation feels like until you’re actually there going through it. (As I write this, I know it’s the only thing keeping me up).
A positive I feel I can take from this experience is knowing exactly how many hours of sleep I need to fully function for the day (just five). Also, it’s wild how creative I get at 2am when I’m doing feeds, so I hope it’s not affected in the future. I hope to be able to retain and reuse it at more convenient times in the future, if someone can help me to channel that energy.
Non-parents, appreciate the freedom you have. To those expecting, invest in a Sleepyhead, a swaddle blanket and Infacol.