I Relapsed

My Apology


When I look back at my early teens years, all I see is wasted time. I swear I spent most of my free time printing and creating CAWs on SmackDown! vs Raw. I was out here thinking my biggest struggle was to get the exact measurements to make sure that I could insert a true-to-life 1999 Gangrel in an Elimination Chamber. I don’t know if it’s still a thing now, but so much of my early teen years (my first few online) just trying to refine my wrestling games.

Anyway, I stopped gaming a while ago. It was a gradual transition. Despite playing my PS2 at every chance I could, it all changed with the next generation console. I got a PS3 around its launch and it broke within a year. (Step one). I took ages to replace it and wasn’t even in a rush to sort it out. (Step two). That gave me time to get addicted to other things. (Step three). Then when I got a new one, I left Nottingham for London, so had plenty more things to distract me. (Step four).

The desire isn’t there like it used to be.

It was a habit and I just ended up using it because there wasn’t much else I fancied doing. This was before online PlayStation gaming was really a thing, so there wasn’t even that social element to it. Whatever the case may be, I steadily fell out of love with it.

But then the tides turned.

Somewhere around 2014, I picked up the controller again and decided that whenever I was extra tired but really needed to stay up (probably because Hollie was working on something) I would have a few rounds on Tekken. Then it turns into the thing I do a little earlier in the evening. Then I want to play a bit of Unreal Tournament. Then I was just into it again.

As you may have noticed from earlier posts, I’ve got a thing for efficiency and getting things done. I’m of the opinion that if I am capable of playing games, there’s definitely something more productive I could be doing for one of my businesses (no matter what time of the day it is).

I swear down, you will never ever find me home alone with a controller in my hand. And It’s been this way for a while (100% since I got made redundant in 2016 but probably a while before then too). There’s just no desire because my mindset has completely changed.

Between my more recent gaming years and the point at which I packed it all in, I’ve acquired a PS4 and have managed to accumulate a fair few games. They were all gifts and I like the idea of owning them, but just never have the urge to play them.

So please explain how I relapsed.

It had been absolutely ages since I’ve fired my PS4 up for anything other than to watch All 4 or iPlayer, but a few days ago, Marlo woke me up at something to 5. I got him, took him downstairs, fed him, and the PS4 was just calling me. I threw WWE 19 on. Did a quick Royal Rumble and got dashed out straight away. Scrap that. I put Tekken 7 in and battered a string of people with Bryan Fury. On about the fifth fight, I just snapped out of it.

It was like I had a moment of madness. (This is so overdramatic).

But yeah – I’m proper not on it any more. I don’t know what’s happened, but I just don’t have the feeling anymore. I don’t know if it’s good or not, but all the self-control I showed over the past few years must have just changed me. I’m a new person and I’ve got things to do (like blog?)

*Listen to Donell Jones*